Day 35: Frustration

I came home from work today all pissed off at my situation and everything and everyone.  I was going to spare any readers of this blog this information, but the day just is no longer complete without posting.  The major reason I decided to write this diary-style is due to this blog, which is one of the first and most helpful jaw-surgery related blogs I read before surgery.  Because hers was daily, I found it valuable to be able to compare what I was feeling at each point in my journey to her similar experience.  This surgery requires so much more than the necessary information concerning eating, banding, bracing, or before & afters.  The emotional component, at least from my standpoint, is huge.
So as to why I'm feeling all pissed off: I'm beginning to question whether or not all of this was worth it. Of course it's too early to tell, given I still am far from a final result, but I can't help thinking that I would have fared just as well in life had I not chosen to go through with surgery.  And of course I can't do anything about it now.  I am just sick of all this.  My optimistic self assures me that this is a learning and growing experience that I will be glad to have weathered in the end.  My short-tempered, impatient current self is completely exasperated and fed up with feeling like an idiot with all this hardware in my mouth.
I've always felt so imperfect, a patient who needs to be fixed.  My jaw isn't my only issue, as I've addressed briefly in other posts: instead of looking forward to a worry-free future, my mind now gravitates towards the other surgeries I need.  Orthognathic surgery may be the most major, but it is nowhere near the panacea for the other functional issues to which I have learned to adapt.  Making matters worse, I sense my own tangible negativity and self-pitying.  My issues are minor compared to those of many others, yet I sit and complain about every unfavorable thing rather than just shut up and be happy.  It's just one of those days I guess.
And plus there was that awful shooting in Colorado today.  (Lets just make this post more depressing)
So ANYWAY I hate to end on that note so I will say that I made plans to go to the beach and see a movie this weekend with some friends- I'm sure I'll cheer up with activities that'll get my mind off surgery.