Saturday, June 23, 2012

Day 7: Dis-appointment

Emotions ran high today.  We drove two hours out to the surgeon's office as he promised to fix looser bands on my teeth than the wire-like ones I am wearing currently.  I approached the appointment optimistically, hoping that this meant I would be able to talk some as well as open my mouth a little.  Upon arriving, the surgeon cheerily assessed my profile and praised his handiwork, saying that I looked "great" and my surgery went "perfectly".  I typed out a message asking about looser bands, which he replied with, "Oh no, not today.  And nothing will change once you get them on anyway."  When will I get them off? When will I be able to open my mouth again?  "Six weeks."  SIX WEEKS.  SIX WEEKS? What?  Before surgery, he said the bands would be off in two weeks, and the splint would stay in longer.  But now six weeks of silence, syringes, not being able to rid the inside of my mouth of that awful taste that has worsened exponentially within the week?  How can I possibly resume any kind of normal life if I can't even talk?  Hit with the brunt force of this news, I basically just exploded.  I started sobbing uncontrollably right there in front of the surgeon, surely making him uncomfortable.  He was only there for about ten minutes until he left.  He did say that the reason I am unable to talk is that my upper lip is still too tender, otherwise I should be able to talk with my mouth closed once the swelling goes down.
I was absolutely miserable after this.  I took an unnecessarily long shower, scraping off the last remnants of glue left behind by the tape over the IV.  My friend then came over to comfort me, someone I've known nearly my entire life-- she's having a similarly shitty summer for different reasons.  We watched a movie, talked (on her end), and laughed (painfully).  Her visit made me feel a million times better- I think my self-prescribed isolation was a major reason I was feeling so depressed.  Now that I've accepted that things aren't going to change for awhile, I must get back to some semblance of a normal life.

I didn't get around to taking pictures today- I'll try to tomorrow.  The swelling hasn't changed all that much.

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