Day 50: Almost There

I'm proud to report that my normal weight is completely restored!  No more heavy protein shakes or copious amounts of ice cream for me.  It feels good to regain control over the foods I eat.  Also, fifty days since surgery? Wow-- it's crazy to finally be nearing the end of all this.  Seven weeks into recovery, I definitely feel my self-confidence and happiness returning.  I am sick and tired of allowing everything jaw surgery-related hold me back!  Pre-surgery life seems like ages ago.  For the millionth time, I am SO ready to have all this metal and plastic out of my mouth-- NINE DAYS TILL SPLINT FREEDOM.

Day 46: Why Does Time Move So Slowly?

Ate a bag of chips today-- it was probably the wrong thing to do but felt SO right.  I'm beginning to just ignore all the stigma that accompanies this splint situation and get on with my life.  Nevertheless, I still hate the thing.  The other jaw bloggers I follow appear to have their splints removed at two weeks, a month, or even six weeks.  But two months?  It seems grossly overly-cautious to me.  Though I understand that my surgeon strives for perfection, I always question his decision to keep my splint in this long.  The only acceptable justification is that I have thin jaw bones, but even then I feel as though it has been more than long enough.  I realize that I've been repeating myself constantly about this, but I just can't help myself!

Tonight I had coffee with a friend I hadn't seen all summer and he didn't look twice at the thing-- he assured me that it looked like braces and that he didn't care about it in the slightest.  As we caught up, I nearly forgot that I am a recovering patient.  I am slowly realizing how fruitless it is to be so self-conscious: it's temporary pain in exchange for greater lifelong happiness!  Also, this is the funniest thing ever.

Day 32: Returning To Normal Life?

Splint-filled life is slowly beginning to resemble regular life: I'm feeling less like a patient and more like a person.  Today consisted of hanging out at the beach with a friend, watching Breaking Bad on Netflix and eating mac and cheese, pumpkin bread, and various other normal foods!  Though I can chew a little now, I still spit and stumble when I speak.  I am still reluctant to completely rejoin society as I am obviously self-conscious about the splint, but feel a strong obligation to return to work.  My boss has been more than accommodating: because I have to be able to talk for the job I haven't been in the office for this entire month!  I've decided to go back Thursday.  It will be strange to go out in public like this, but I keep telling myself that I need to be eased back in.  Life doesn't stop with jaw surgery, as nice as it would be to go to some island and chill there for another month until all of this is over.

My friend's dog helping the healing process.

Day 30: New Obstacles

Eating has proved to be equally, if not more, of a challenge now that the bands are removed.  Liquids are infinitely easier to consume, but I am desperate to graduate to more normal foods.  Unfortunately, attempting to eat solids is excruciating.  I tried scrambled eggs this morning, and due to the limited movement of my jaw, could only scoop in tiny pieces at a time with a spoon.  The process took ages: I felt like that Buddhist prince who tried to achieve nirvana by eating a grain of rice per day!

I was successful with a Cup of Noodles though, which was amazing.  However, the way I ate felt disgusting: it was a slobbery display in which I used my tongue to maneuver the noodles into my mouth then mashed them around in an attempt to chew.  Regardless, I ate those noodles. And did not have to puree them.  YES.  Also whenever I'm hungry, the image of a syringe pops into my brain and I constantly have to remind myself that I am done with those horrible things for good!

Now that my mouth is gaining more feeling bit by bit, the pain of extended talking is near unbearable due to the thick metal wires under my gums that stick the inside of my cheeks and lips.  My tongue, which has finally escaped from its prison, can now feel the tender, torn flesh.  I layered dental wax on the worst offenders, but the wires seem to be sticking out everywhere.  Sometimes a lip gets caught while talking and-- OUCH.  Not a pleasant experience.  The stitches under my upper lip are also coming out, which I asked my surgeon about.  His response was dismissive-- apparently they are supposed to dissolve?

Here's a close up of what's going on in there (kinda gross, sorry!): 

The white stuff is wax, don't worry!

The splint is that clear plastic thing that fits over my upper teeth-- it extends all the way back like a retainer.  According to the surgeon, the epoxied brackets were not strong enough to hold my jaw in place during surgery, so he fashioned the wires on the bottom around my teeth and under my gums.  Those things are the worst.  

I'm not sure if it's evident from this picture, but my bite is now perfect!  Once all of that crazy metal is removed, my teeth will fit together quite nicely.  At this I am so relieved-- this lengthy ordeal is proving to be worth it.

Day 29: The No-Band Smile!

A friend came to visit today, and we snapped this picture!

Big metal-filled smile!

And here's a similar photo we took pre-braces:

We looked a lot tanner back then!

Here I was exercising my classic turn-the-head mouth-slightly-open pose in which I could most comfortably smile.  Smiling involves a lot less effort now, though it includes a lot more pain due to the bits of metal tearing up the inside of my mouth.  Most everyone who has seen me say they see little change in my appearance, which I guess is a positive thing- being unrecognizable would be awful!  

Day 26: Flexibility

Excitement for the day: I was having some chocolate ice cream after dinner tonight when the syringe just absolutely EXPLODED.  Everywhere.  Chocolate got all over my face, the couch, my clothes, just UGH everywhere.  #liquiddietproblems.  And this isn't the first time this has happened: I'm still finding dried applesauce all over the kitchen!  I will be so happy when I can eat normally again!

Other than that little fiasco, today mostly consisted of trying to stay limber.  My muscles have been unusually tight lately and my back has been in spasm from inactivity.  (In addition to the whole jaw problem, I also have moderate to severe scoliosis, but that's a whole different story-- I got the best genes I know)  So, I picked through YouTube to find yoga and zumba videos and spent the day keeping flexible in a sports bra and spandex!  Now I'm feeling so much better!  I'm just itching to be active again, but it's difficult if I can't open my mouth to breathe.  One more day till my appointment with the surgeon!  Crossing my fingers that he'll be in a good mood and take off my bands.

What I was up to today!

OH and also a bit of good news: I had this muscle in my face that's been so painful to move whenever I tried to smile that now doesn't hurt anymore!  I still experience weird sensations when I animate, but it's mostly feelings of numbness and soreness.  No more pain woohoo! :)

Day 25: Silent Expression

I woke up today feeling artsy as HELL.  The morning consisted of downloading a plethora of new music which I then listened to all afternoon while sketching on the patio in a wifebeater and pajama pants!

Look at how happy she is without braces... 

Losing my voice has steered me towards alternative modes of expression, namely writing and art!  I've become so much more in touch with creativity now that I've had all this excess time to myself.  This I am grateful for and appreciative of, but the aftermath of jaw surgery still sucks.  I guess I'm just still seeking out positivity in the midst of all this shit.  Things have been stable for so long that I need to actively remind myself that I will not have to be silent or foodless forever.  I've almost become accustomed to this lifestyle.  Maybe some small part of me will miss not feeling the obligation to go out or speak-- it's an opportunity to learn more about oneself.  Though I still see friends, it's usually to just to watch a movie or show (I can't do much!).  It might even be strange to readjust to my previous life of talking, eating, smiling.  What if I can't remember how?

Day 22: Post-Surgery Food List!

Opened my fridge today and saw this:

I've taken over the refrigerator!

And I realized that although I addressed it briefly in this post, I wanted to make a definitive list of all the liquid-type foods I have been eating while in fixation!  If you're getting surgery in the future and need some suggestions on what to stock up on, I recommend:

GoGo Squeezes: All the little green pouches of applesauce in the picture!  I absolutely love these because they are delicious and easy to eat.  Apple-cinnamon is my favorite!  The only problem is they don't fill you up all that much, not that any of these foods really do. 

Ensure Plus: For getting in those calories!  Lots of protein and vitamins and minerals and all that good stuff.  I like the taste too: a lot of protein shakes have a grainy, medicinal texture, but this just tastes like chocolate milk.  Also good for mixing with ice cream!

Naked Juice: Yummy in the mornings, and fills you up more than you would think!

Bolthouse Farms Protein Plus Shakes: I'm big on chocolate, and this shake is chocolate-packed and contains lots of protein and other nutrients!

V8 Fusion Juice: To get in those servings of fruits and veggies!

Graduates Grabbers: Applesauce similar to GoGo squeeze.  There are a lot more flavor options, but not all of them are fantastic.

I did not like the taste of: Muscle Milk (ew), or Myoplex original (more ew).  

In addition to these foods, I mostly eat blended soups, melted ice cream, and smoothies.  I also take an iron supplement which can be mixed with fruit juice.  I can only eat what fits through the syringe, which means I can't have any little chunks that easily get stuck.

If your surgery is coming up in the near future, make sure to determine what you like and get a lot of it! Liquids hold me for a little while, but I get hungry very quickly and frequently.  It's been a challenge to keep my weight up (I'm still at about five or six pounds less than where I started), but the protein shakes help!  It's crazy that I've survived like this for so long.