Day 28: 4 WEEKS BANDS ARE OFF!! PICS&VIDEO! :) :)

BIG DAY TODAY!  I arrived at the surgeon's for my appointment hoping for the best, but honestly expecting nothing.  He had assured me that I would be in fixation for a solid six weeks, today's appointment being only to loosen the bands holding my jaws together.  However, when the surgeon strolled casually into the room as he always seems to do, he nonchalantly remarked, "Have we cut those bands off yet?  What has it been, six weeks now?"  I instantly was shaking with excitement- was today going to be the day I would be able to eat and talk again?  He bent down and squinted, examining my teeth.  He nodded.  "Okay, try not to move your jaw around too much, you're going to be sore after," YES IT WAS!  
Opening my mouth again was a strange, almost alien sensation.  I was instantly a lot more conscious of the big plastic splint in my mouth, and the fact that it smelled.  Awful.  I practiced trying to talk in the bathroom mirror, the voice coming naturally, but painfully due to the metal wires jutting into the inside of my mouth.  However, on the car ride home, I was overcome with joy: I CAN TALK AGAIN!  I excitedly began to speak with my parents, called friends, and took some pictures:

My tongue can finally see the light of day!

I was STOKED.  My first order of business as soon as I got home was to EAT SOLID FOOD.  My mom made me some pasta, and I quickly realized that I was biting off more than I could chew. (HA!) My mouth can only open so far, and my joints were giving me a head and neckache from the chatting.  I could only eat via swallowing one pasta shell at a time whole, which was excruciating.  Unfortunately, I will have to hold off on solid foods for a little longer.  But still, it's a HUGE step towards normalcy.  We happily threw away all the syringes that have littered the house for the past month and broke out the baby spoons.  YES!

Because it's my first opportunity to talk, I also decided to record a video so that readers of this blog could more easily visualize my face and hear my gargly voice:

That's an attractive thumbnail photo.

It's strange to suddenly be granted speech again.  After such a long period of silence, I have to actively remind myself that I'm able to articulate the thoughts in my head.  This blog has been my voice for the past month, writing and art my means of expression.  I felt like a monk, exploring my thoughts, feelings, and capabilities while under a vow of silence.  It was a unique experience, one I never would have undertaken had I not been forced to by this surgery.  Though I learned a lot, I am definitely grateful for the silent stage in my life to have ended.  There's still a long way to go, but today marked a massive milestone in my journey!

Day 25: Silent Expression

I woke up today feeling artsy as HELL.  The morning consisted of downloading a plethora of new music which I then listened to all afternoon while sketching on the patio in a wifebeater and pajama pants!

Look at how happy she is without braces... 

Losing my voice has steered me towards alternative modes of expression, namely writing and art!  I've become so much more in touch with creativity now that I've had all this excess time to myself.  This I am grateful for and appreciative of, but the aftermath of jaw surgery still sucks.  I guess I'm just still seeking out positivity in the midst of all this shit.  Things have been stable for so long that I need to actively remind myself that I will not have to be silent or foodless forever.  I've almost become accustomed to this lifestyle.  Maybe some small part of me will miss not feeling the obligation to go out or speak-- it's an opportunity to learn more about oneself.  Though I still see friends, it's usually to just to watch a movie or show (I can't do much!).  It might even be strange to readjust to my previous life of talking, eating, smiling.  What if I can't remember how?

Day 24: Syringes On Syringes On Syringes

If you've ever wondered how I've been feeding myself for the past three weeks, it basically looks like this:

Enjoying some fruit juice!

As I've stated in other posts, the only spaces that food/drink can get through my fixed jaws are the small gaps behind my teeth.  Therefore, I need to have long rubber attachments on my syringes so that I can get back that far! 

Dissembled syringes everywhere.

I am so fervently hoping that I will get looser bands on my teeth at my appointment Friday-- it would be amazing to start to try and fit small bits of real food in!  Liquid just doesn't hit the spot.