Day 49: Role-Reversal

Today I visited the friend I spoke about in this post, whose surgery was successful, but an all-around painful episode.  In a strange and fateful role-reversal, I was now visiting a recovering friend who had just had a miserable surgery and could barely speak.  We compared our varying experiences with surgery and determined that we were both terribly unprepared for the aftermath.  In her case, the surgeons had to remove a considerable amount more than they originally intended because the cancer was beginning to spread.  I, as well as everyone else who cares about her, vigorously hope that this is an isolated instance that will not resurface in her future. Nevertheless, she still has to undergo treatment and take medication for the rest of her life.  What a strange cosmic coincidence, I keep thinking, that I'm wrapping up the tail end of my recovery and she is just beginning hers.  My role in life's peculiar play has now transitioned from the pitied patient to the supportive friend.  Gaining so much perspective!

Day 46: Why Does Time Move So Slowly?

Ate a bag of chips today-- it was probably the wrong thing to do but felt SO right.  I'm beginning to just ignore all the stigma that accompanies this splint situation and get on with my life.  Nevertheless, I still hate the thing.  The other jaw bloggers I follow appear to have their splints removed at two weeks, a month, or even six weeks.  But two months?  It seems grossly overly-cautious to me.  Though I understand that my surgeon strives for perfection, I always question his decision to keep my splint in this long.  The only acceptable justification is that I have thin jaw bones, but even then I feel as though it has been more than long enough.  I realize that I've been repeating myself constantly about this, but I just can't help myself!

Tonight I had coffee with a friend I hadn't seen all summer and he didn't look twice at the thing-- he assured me that it looked like braces and that he didn't care about it in the slightest.  As we caught up, I nearly forgot that I am a recovering patient.  I am slowly realizing how fruitless it is to be so self-conscious: it's temporary pain in exchange for greater lifelong happiness!  Also, this is the funniest thing ever.

Day 15: Art & Things Are Looking Up!

Another good day!  Two in a row?  Ridiculous! Another friend from school came to visit today, making this weekend the most heavily populated one for me since surgery.  As I discussed in another post, I feel like isolating oneself is the quickest road to depression!  It's so important to see friends, even though I feel dumb that I'm unable to talk, eat, or smile with them.  The muscles in my face that I am able to use are still sparse, so I have formed a compensatory funny-looking closed mouth smile.

Not liking my weird closed-mouth smile, hoping things improve soon!

I also did some drawing today, such a great stress reliever!  I've always been drawn to drawing profiles (pun?), something which stems from my insecurity about my own.  I'm sure fellow jaw surgery patients can relate: once you are aware of the abnormality in your bite, you become so hyper-aware of profiles!  Where someone else would say, "Wow what a pretty girl!" I am thinking,  "Damn that's a nice profile."

Nowhere close to finished yet!

I am a little worried that a lot of my facial muscles are still numb or painful to use. When I try and animate, it feels lopsided. I sincerely hope this returns to normal- what use is a normal bite if my face is all messed up? I'm not sure if I should be doing any type of muscle rehabilitation given that my surgeon said nothing on the subject.
Here are my progress pics, which I will probably be posting less of because my swelling has more or less stabilized:

Day 14: Two Weeks !!

Today marks TWO WEEKS SINCE SURGERY!  And it was a good day!  My friend and I visited another friend from school who recently had surgery on her feet: it was a great scene- she couldn't walk and I couldn't talk!  Nevertheless, I was thrilled to finally get out of the house for a reason other than an appointment.  I was a little wary about going at first, feeling uncomfortable that I was a little puffy-faced and still totally unable to talk or smile.  But once I got there, I was so happy to be out and in the company of friends!  Here are some photos from the day:

Pensive pose.

 She's imitating my poker face - I got a little smile going!

This photo would be so much cuter if I could smile-- Love these girls!

This morning on a whim, I downloaded an iPhone app called "Speak It!", which translates your text into speech.  When I first tried it out, it seemed absolutely ridiculous.  The app contains four voice options: British woman, American woman, British man, and American man.  It swallows your typed word and regurgitates a monotonic robot voice - I felt like Stephen Hawking using it!  I couldn't resist cracking up (painfully!) when I tried it and whomever I was trying to communicate with thought it was hilarious too!  Despite its silliness, it is very useful if you are trying to speak to someone who is driving or unable to come over and read the words on your whiteboard.  It's $1.99, but I think it's well worth it if you're going to be in fixation for a while!

Even though it's only been two weeks, I feel like the surgery was a lifetime ago.  Each day of recovery feels so lengthened by obstacles and emotions that time begins to move more and more slowly and passively.  Regardless, I am definitely aware of how much the swelling has ebbed since day one: I'm looking like me again!  I'm so glad that my nose has turned down a bit and my top lip is less Lana Del Rey-esque.

Here are today's progress pics:

My top lip isn't sticking out further than the bottom anymore and I'm not sure how I feel about this. I am much more recognizable though - so relieved!