Day 35: Frustration

I came home from work today all pissed off at my situation and everything and everyone.  I was going to spare any readers of this blog this information, but the day just is no longer complete without posting.  The major reason I decided to write this diary-style is due to this blog, which is one of the first and most helpful jaw-surgery related blogs I read before surgery.  Because hers was daily, I found it valuable to be able to compare what I was feeling at each point in my journey to her similar experience.  This surgery requires so much more than the necessary information concerning eating, banding, bracing, or before & afters.  The emotional component, at least from my standpoint, is huge.
So as to why I'm feeling all pissed off: I'm beginning to question whether or not all of this was worth it. Of course it's too early to tell, given I still am far from a final result, but I can't help thinking that I would have fared just as well in life had I not chosen to go through with surgery.  And of course I can't do anything about it now.  I am just sick of all this.  My optimistic self assures me that this is a learning and growing experience that I will be glad to have weathered in the end.  My short-tempered, impatient current self is completely exasperated and fed up with feeling like an idiot with all this hardware in my mouth.
I've always felt so imperfect, a patient who needs to be fixed.  My jaw isn't my only issue, as I've addressed briefly in other posts: instead of looking forward to a worry-free future, my mind now gravitates towards the other surgeries I need.  Orthognathic surgery may be the most major, but it is nowhere near the panacea for the other functional issues to which I have learned to adapt.  Making matters worse, I sense my own tangible negativity and self-pitying.  My issues are minor compared to those of many others, yet I sit and complain about every unfavorable thing rather than just shut up and be happy.  It's just one of those days I guess.
And plus there was that awful shooting in Colorado today.  (Lets just make this post more depressing)
So ANYWAY I hate to end on that note so I will say that I made plans to go to the beach and see a movie this weekend with some friends- I'm sure I'll cheer up with activities that'll get my mind off surgery.

Day 32: Returning To Normal Life?

Splint-filled life is slowly beginning to resemble regular life: I'm feeling less like a patient and more like a person.  Today consisted of hanging out at the beach with a friend, watching Breaking Bad on Netflix and eating mac and cheese, pumpkin bread, and various other normal foods!  Though I can chew a little now, I still spit and stumble when I speak.  I am still reluctant to completely rejoin society as I am obviously self-conscious about the splint, but feel a strong obligation to return to work.  My boss has been more than accommodating: because I have to be able to talk for the job I haven't been in the office for this entire month!  I've decided to go back Thursday.  It will be strange to go out in public like this, but I keep telling myself that I need to be eased back in.  Life doesn't stop with jaw surgery, as nice as it would be to go to some island and chill there for another month until all of this is over.

My friend's dog helping the healing process.